her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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