At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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