My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
