thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
