So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
