I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
