Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
