Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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