you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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