Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
