That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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