i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
