life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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