No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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