Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Terrible idea I love it
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
