i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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