Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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