Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
