One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Someone stole a lamp last night.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
