New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize