I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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