At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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