The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
