When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
