if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
