the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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