how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
