I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize