I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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