Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
