thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
