You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
