U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
then he tried to convert me to islam
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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