when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize