fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
