Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
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Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
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Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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