So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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