i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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