this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
