Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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