I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
