i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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