I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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