My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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