You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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