I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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