my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
