I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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