i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
