**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
