You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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