half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
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