Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
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