I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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