roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
