that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
