he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
