it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
