I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
