Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
