is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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