I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
