dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
