I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
