It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
