I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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