i think my tv is drunk
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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