Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
