She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
