when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
