no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
