This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
