That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
